Maybe Republicans are right. Has the pope even read the Bible? | Opinion

Is it just me, or does it seem like Pope Leo XIV won’t stop talking about religion?

He’s all “the Gospel says this” and “Jesus taught us that” – dude, we get it, you’re head of the worldwide Roman Catholic Church. But does that really make you an expert?

As our Catholic Vice President JD Vance, who has a book coming out on his conversion to Catholicism, said, “I think it's very, very important for the pope to be careful when he talks about matters of theology.”

Exactly. Vance has been a Catholic since 2019, the year Lil Nas X’s "Old Town Road" hit No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, so I’d take his warning seriously, Pope. He’s seven years deep into the Catholic faith – you don’t wanna mess with him. He’s part of the new Catholicism, the one that’s afraid to say “transubstantiation” because it sounds woke and has “trans” in it.

Why does Pope Leo insist on talking about religion all the time?

All this started when Pope Leo took a ridiculous “war is bad” stance and found himself facing off against U.S. figures like Vance, President Donald Trump, Republican House Speaker Mike Johnson and even Fox News host Sean Hannity, who recently asked of the leader of the world’s 1.4 billion Catholics: “Have you even read the Bible?”

That’s a great question, Sean. We know President Trump has definitely read the Bible, because he sold ones with his name on them, and I can’t imagine he’d sell a product he can’t 100% guarantee. Does Pope Leo sell a Bible with his name on it? That’s the kind of question the Vatican needs to answer before its leader goes out and opines on whether it’s moral to kill lots of people to distract from a child sex trafficking scandal.

House Speaker Mike Johnson enters the papal fight

House Speaker Mike Johnson said on April 15: “If you wade into political waters, I think you should expect some political response, and I think the pope has received some of that. I was taken a little bit aback ... by something that was said, I think he said it several days back that something about those who engage in war that Jesus doesn't hear their prayers or something. It is very well-settled matter of Christian theology, there’s something called the ‘just war doctrine.’ ”

Right on, Preacher Mike! The just war doctrine, I assume, says any war started by Trump is just. Case closed. Please stop questioning the infallibility of the Republican Party.

Catholic bishops offer a reminder of what 'just war' really means

Johnson, who was not similarly “taken a little bit aback” by Trump’s recent, now-deleted artificial intelligence-social media image portraying himself as Jesus Christ, had barely finished speaking when the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops came along and released a statement.

Bishop James Massa, chairman of its Committee on Doctrine, said, “For over a thousand years, the Catholic Church has taught just war theory and it is that long tradition the Holy Father carefully references in his comments on war. A constant tenet of that thousand-year tradition is a nation can only legitimately take up the sword ‘in self-defense, once all peace efforts have failed’ (Catechism of the Catholic Church, no. 2308). That is, to be a just war it must be a defense against another who actively wages war, which is what the Holy Father actually said: ‘He does not listen to the prayers of those who wage war.’ ”

How dare the bishop Catholic-splain matters to devout men of faith like Vance and Tr … and Tru … sorry, every time I try to type his name my keyboard bursts into flames … AND THE CURRENT PRESIDENT.

OK, maybe the pope does have some Catholic cred

It’s not like Pope Leo XIV speaks as "supreme pastor of the universal Church."

The bishop’s statement continued: “When Pope Leo XIV speaks as supreme pastor of the universal Church, he is not merely offering opinions on theology, he is preaching the Gospel and exercising his ministry as the Vicar of Christ.”

Well, that’s a little tougher to argue around.

Trump may have to go ahead and invade the Vatican

Between the Trump administration and the pope, we have one of the most respected and revered leaders in the world and we have the Trump administration. 

Pope Leo is trying to say it was unjust for America to start a war with Iran when its military was not close to developing a nuclear weapon and peace talks could have continued. Trump, Vance, Hannity and Johnson are saying to the pope, “Stop being so darn preachy.”

I agree. As Vance said, the pope needs to be very careful. America is on an invading streak.

The last thing the pontiff wants is Trump and Co. eyeing the Vatican’s weak defenses, garish amounts of gold fixtures and desirable strategic prayer reserves. 

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk. This column first appeared on USATODAY.com.