I have ADHD. It's not a deficit for me, it's a lever. | Your Turn

Even if you aren't a casual reader of The New England Journal of Medicine or a National Institutes of Health nerd, odds are good that you know someone with a recent diagnosis of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder.

Studies suggest that as many as 1 in 4 adults suspect they have undiagnosed ADHD, so you may very well be that person yourself.

Over the past decade, diagnoses have climbed steadily, but experts are still divided on what the rising rates reveal.

So we asked you, our readers, to share your experiences and wisdom with us on the parts of this issue that scientists can't yet answer: What do doctors, studies and the media get wrong about ADHD and, really, any other disorder?

Below is a sampling of some of your answers. Want to weigh in? You can still do it by going to usatoday.com/forum, leaving us a voicemail at (202) 655-3923 or by dropping a note at [email protected].

ADHD can be a heavy load, but it's not a deficit

I have attention-deficit/hyperactivity, and the reality isn't that it's a deficit at all – it's more like the lever between attentiveness and dreaming is sticky. It gets stuck either in hyperfocus or in no-focus mode.

The most impactful thing for me is the complete breakdown of memory. I will not remember things that aren't written down somewhere. This means I have a lot of odd habits – my keys must always be in the same place, for example. I hyper-organize in an attempt to keep myself on track, but that means about 20% of my daily effort goes into that organization before I even get to start my normal day. That's a heavy cognitive load to bear.

Before I was diagnosed, I thought it must be something else because I did fine in school and didn't twitch. Turns out, many women are hyper-verbal instead. I'm pretty sure it was being told during church to stop fidgeting that made me look for other outlets! I wasn't diagnosed 'til my 30s, but finally doing some research and truly understanding how my brain works best was a game changer for my confidence and success in life.

I find the things that help neurodivergent individuals also help neurotypical people. For example, having a calming space near or at work for someone with sensory sensitivity also helps people who are just having a bad day! Providing deadlines to help ADHDers have a sense of urgency also helps typical people with accountability. We just need it more or more often than most. But these accessibility measures make things more accessible for everyone.

With ADHD, the correlations with other neurodivergency is high. For example, many (if not most) of us suffer from insomnia, too. Does ADHD cause insomnia, or does insomnia feed ADHD symptoms? Is it really anxiety, or are we just constantly fearful that we will forget something and be punished somehow? What are the gender or racial differences we see in symptoms if any?

We have come so far, but there's plenty we don't know, and more research and education is needed. It's hard to stay up to date with the latest for general practitioners.

— Elizabeth Henson, Louisiana

I wonder what life with an early diagnosis might have been

At 73, I was diagnosed with mixed ADHD, depression and anxiety. For most of my life, I knew I was different. I would study and barely get a C in school. I was teased and ridiculed for not knowing how to read well, spelling words in front of the class, and not understanding math problems and multiplication tables. I enjoyed Boy Scouts and made Eagle. In high school, I was put in lesser classes while my peers studied chemistry, biology and Shakespeare.

College was a nightmare, and I only prevailed after five years because of a loving young wife. 

I tried everything from a military career to teaching, carpentry, medical training and more, but my degree was worthless, related to my untreated ADHD, depression and anxiety. 

After retiring from all work, we moved to Idaho and I sought help at the local Department of Veterans Affairs. After 73 years of failure, no close friends, no career, even with a Bachelor of Science degree, not one doctor or nurse even saw the nonfunctioning traits of mental illness of ADHD.

I'm doing well now at 78. I'm writing a book, and I am still married to my love after 50 years, and my two girls love me. My grandchildren tolerate me; I still do not have any close friends, but I'm doing OK without that. 

— Lester Meade, Idaho

More ADHD diagnoses might just mean more relief

As someone with ADHD, I've found that drugs that improve memory can sometimes be more life-changing than those that improve attention. I feel the former needs to be given heftier consideration. Memory and attention both play very different (and very important) roles in our lives

Learning about emotional disregulation was life-changing for me. Realizing that my body and emotions often self-sabotage me before I can even notice what's happening, and then taking the time to listen to my body and mind and learn what does or doesn't work for me has been a huge lifesaver.

For example, there were habits that I previously assumed to be "nervous tics" that I erroneously believed I needed to suppress. Realizing that these habits are really just stims that can actually help calm me down has helped me to better cope with tough situations and build resiliency.

I used to think my ADHD was only about my inability to pay attention, but I am now realizing that it's really my environment impacting every facet of my physical, mental and emotional self (often in ways that appear outsized to how neurotypical people are impacted by those same environments).

Having patience and compassion is important, but so is maintaining boundaries. You can give leeway for someone who struggles with something (even if it seems simple or easy to you), while also still holding them responsible for their actions. Being neurodivergent makes life harder to work through in our current society, but it is also OK to expect a certain level of respect or treatment. It's about the flexibility of allowing neurodivergent people to find the ways to accomplish those things that work for them.

My wife's therapist has a sign that says, "Your mental illness isn't your fault, but it is your responsibility." I feel the same about neurodivergence.

Sometimes it can feel like there are a lot of people with neurodivergent diagnoses, but then maybe a lot of us felt the need to mask and hide who we were until the understanding of how we go through the world became more acceptable in the mainstream. In other words, I suspect the number of diagnoses is just right, even if it seems like a lot at first glance.

— Katie Brink, Ohio