I'm indifferent toward marriage. I might be an anomaly. | Opinion

Sometimes it feels like everyone on my Instagram feed is getting engaged, getting married or celebrating a wedding anniversary. And I'm guessing I'm not the only one in my generation who sees it.

Personally, I feel indifferent toward the idea of getting married myself. I find the thought of a life partner compelling, but not necessary. I’m not firmly against it – I can see myself getting married at a courthouse or a Las Vegas chapel – but if it doesn’t happen, that’s OK.

This nonchalance is infuriating to conservatives. Institute for Family Studies fellows Brad Wilcox and Grant Bailey wrote that over the past 50 years, liberals “have led the cultural charge to devalue, deny, and discount the institution of marriage.”

But if liberals really detest marriage the way we’re said to, why do I know so many people getting married? Sure, they may have waited a few years, but they’re getting married nonetheless.

I was curious about this discrepancy, so I put a callout on my Instagram story asking people to share their opinions on marriage and weddings – what they love, what they hate, why they want to get married or why they don't.

It turns out people have very strong opinions on tying the knot, even if I do not.

But while the feelings toward weddings and marriage varied drastically, I was surprised by how many of my liberal peers felt strongly about their desire to get married. At least based on anecdotal evidence, it seems like the Republican moral panic about the lack of marriage doesn’t show the full picture.

A lot of people I spoke with, even those who weren’t partnered, still wanted to get married. These aren't pundits or topic experts. These are regular people trying to figure out what they want out of life. Just like me.

Women were given the right to choose. We don't all choose the same.

At 28, I’m at the age where, on average, women in the United States are entering their first marriages. I lived in the South for most of my life, a place where traditional views of partnership prevail. It makes sense that my social media feeds are consumed by smiling couples, diamond rings and white dresses.

Still, there’s been a 54% decrease in women’s marriage rates since 1900, according to a 2022 study from Bowling Green State University.

Kat Tenbarge, a 28-year-old journalist living in New Jersey, attributed this decline to the rights women have won over the years. After all, women only earned financial independence en masse when the Equal Credit Opportunity Act became law in 1974, when they no longer needed to have a man cosign their loans.

“The right to have your own bank account, the right to open your own line of credit, the right to own your own home – all of these relatively recent rights that women have gained have changed the landscape of marriage so much,” Tenbarge told me, noting that there’s “centuries of evidence” showing why women are more hesitant to get married.

She has known since childhood that she wanted a wedding, and got engaged to her partner, Anna, in 2025. She attributes this fascination to the prevalence of weddings in pop culture, from TLC’s “Say Yes to the Dress” to YouTubers vlogging about their wedding days.

“As much as I wanted to get married,"Tenbarge said, "I think that it’s such a phenomenal advancement that young women in particular could decenter marriage from their lives.”

Whether I want to admit it or not, this is a big factor in my own indifference toward marriage. I no longer have to get married to attain the different financial goals that I have, nor do I have to be reliant on a partner for financial stability. It takes the pressure off of getting married and makes it easier to imagine a life where marriage is an option, rather than a necessity. And it's an option I don't want to misuse.

Are we supposed to ignore how much weddings cost?

Brighton McConnell, a 29-year-old North Carolina journalist, began dating his wife, Sarah, at the end of their freshman year of college. Despite their decade-long relationship, they didn’t get married until October 2025.

“For us, I think we always approached it as we are in a commitment with each other, and we would prioritize our careers or these other aspects of life before basically nuking eight months of our lives,” McConnell told me about planning a wedding.

Census data shows that the average age of first marriage has increased by more than seven years for both men and women since 1975. A big reason for that is the exorbitant cost of a wedding. McConnell said this was a factor in his wife’s initial hesitance toward getting married.

“It was definitely a good chunk of money,” he told me. “But we ultimately were like, ‘We know what our budget is, we know what certain things we don’t want to spare any expense on to throw a fantastic freakin’ party that we want all of our loved ones to be at.’ ”

I also spoke with Kate Beckman, one of the cofounders of the AI wedding planning startup Tulle Together, about the high costs. She noted that couples often experience sticker shock when planning their nuptials. According to data from the platform that she provided to me, there was a 10% increase in expected wedding budgets among users between 2025 and this year – from $45,520 to $50,121. 

“It definitely puts a damper on the wedding planning process,” Beckman said.

In more liberal states, these budgets are even higher because of the high cost of living. The Tulle Together data provided to me showed that the average venue fee in New York, for example, is $23,597, more than twice the national average. Then there’s food, photographers, DJs and outfits. 

“If you’re trying to spend $70,000 on an event, of course you’re going to push your wedding until you’re older, more established in your career,” Beckman told me.

For some couples, it’s hard to imagine spending this money on a singular event when they could spend it on a nice vacation, student loans or a down payment on an apartment.

Cost is another reason I see marriage as an option – not a necessity. Why would I spend tens of thousands of dollars on an event that only lasts one day? Would I bite the bullet and get married in New York City, with its high cost of weddings? Or would I get married in North Carolina, which is slightly less expensive but still out of reach in my current financial situation? It's why I see more cost-effective options, like a courthouse wedding, as more attainable.

People are doing it their own way. That's a good thing.

I’ve seen two of my closest friends get married in the past two years. Both had weddings that suited them. One was a small affair in their Philadelphia apartment, where they walked down the metaphorical aisle to “Adore You” by Harry Styles. The other was more traditional, complete with a bridal party and a first dance. 

I came away from both of these weddings with the same warm feeling, in awe of the step my friends were taking. I loved that both couples did their weddings their way – another thing that came up repeatedly in my conversations with my peers. I spoke with other LGBTQ+ people who were excited to get married, as well as several people who had friends, not priests, officiate their weddings.

At the root of it, this is another reason conservatives are complaining – it’s not that Gen Z liberals aren’t getting married, it’s that our marriages look different from the ones they expect us to have.

“The weddings and the marriages and the relationships have just gotten less traditional compared to the cishetero, patriarchal vision of marriage,” Tenbarge said.

I came to understand through my conversations that marriage, like most major decisions, is deeply personal. While my feelings on marriage may still be complicated, there are plenty of liberal people who are ready for their happily ever after – and even then, conservatives are furious about it.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Sara Pequeño on Bluesky: @sarapequeno.bsky.social