Is it normal to talk to yourself? What it could really mean

"Am I normal?"

That's a question many of us ask ourselves, literally. Speaking to yourself is extremely common, and many of us are doing it without even realizing. But our internal monologues aren't just empty words – they provide insight about our relationship with ourselves, according to psychology experts.

This is true now more than ever as people dialogue with AI chatbots candidly about our fears and worries, a completely new kind of self-talk that psychology researchers are only beginning to understand.

Here's why we talk to ourselves and when to know it's going too far.

Why do we talk to ourselves?

We've all been there: In the car, an empty conference room or a bathroom stall, we utter out loud or in our minds unfiltered thoughts and feelings. Maybe we're rehearsing a tough conversation or processing an interaction that just happened.

"Talking out loud helps us make sense of situations," according to Jordan Pickell, a relationship expert and trauma counselor based in Vancouver, Canada. "We might notice it more in times of stress ... It can also come up when we feel especially lonely."

"What people call 'talking to themselves' is often different parts (of their minds) having conversations," she adds.

Talking to ourselves helps regulate our emotions and clarify what we want to say to others, according to Ethan Kross, professor of psychology at the University of Michigan.

"Our 'inner voice' lets us keep information active in our minds ... simulate and plan for the future, motivate and control yourself, and weave together narratives that help us understand who we are," Kross says. This could have a biological component, too, he explains.

"There does seem to be a stigma surrounding talking to ourselves (out loud in particular)," Kross says. "This is likely due to the fact that talking out loud to oneself is a feature of certain clinical disorders. The important thing to remember is that our inner voice, and the ability to harness it through self-talk is an important tool of the human mind that aides us in a variety of ways."

Foremost, it helps to hear your own voice to articulate a thought, Pickell says. But we've all felt embarrassed at being "discovered" while talking out loud. This is because we're airing thoughts that haven't been fully wrinkled out or processed.

"The shaming comes from discomfort with the idea of multiple parts of ourselves and stigma about loneliness or needing to have it all together," Pickell says. "To walk in on someone talking to themselves can feel intrusive."

It's important not to jump to judgment, whether it's you or a colleague you catch, she says.

Does using AI count as talking to yourself?

ChatGPT and other free artificial intelligence tools are available 24/7 and provide a pseudo-private space for us to air our thoughts, rather than say them out loud and risk being overheard. This can make us feel like self-talk is more protected and productive, Pickell says.

But while you may consider AI as a safe place to divulge self-reflections, don't put too much confidence in these chats, she says. AI works like a mirror rather than a crossroads: It feeds back how we feel rather than providing a new road to take those feelings, she says. Sometimes we just want to be told we're right. But other times another perspective can be important, she says.

And there needs to be more research on how AI impacts our self talk, Kross says.

"If they're someone who is ruminating on the same thing, it can be helpful to have a human redirect them in a way AI often doesn't," Pickell says. "AI often reflects back exactly where the person is which can be helpful for a lot of people, but in terms of really moving the needle ... talking to a therapist or a friend is going to be more effective."

When does talking to yourself go too far?

It's important to recognize when our self-talk could use boundaries, Pickell says.

"For a lot of people, they way they talk to themselves is harsh," she says. "Some people really berate themselves. If you find yourself talking to yourself in a way that's constantly criticizing, that shapes how you feel about yourself."

Watch out for thoughts that feel like a never-ending loop or make you dig deeper into a negative feeling, she says. These can exacerbate our impressions: "The language increases anxiety rather than helping resolve it," Pickell says.

If you feel like your internal monologues are becoming hurtful, first remember "there's nothing wrong with you," Kross says. Then start to consider what toolkit exists to manage the thoughts.

"You can shift the way you talk to yourself, using your name and 'you' to silently work through a problem rather than doing so in the first person," he says. "(Or) you can find the right 'chatter advisors' to share your problems with, people who are adept at both empathizing with you and helping you reframe the problem."

Kross also suggests talking a walk outside: "(A walk) gives you the opportunity to experience awe, an emotion we feel when we’re in the presence of something vast and indescribable that helps us put our problems in perspective."

Whether or not you talk to yourself all day long, don't try to eliminate your inner voices, but create better relationships with them, Pickell says. Trade a cruel voice with a pep talk, she suggests, to develop a more encouraging and kind tone that boosts mental health.

"You may notice an initial resistance ...it can be hard to trust those positive messages," she says. "But over time it can become more believable to your nervous system."