Gen Z is 'monkey barring' — not cheating. It's not what you think.

Dating can feel like the elementary school playground sometimes. One day you're in a close relationship, the next someone is swinging on the jungle gym with someone else.

So perhaps the latest trending dating term is fitting. "Monkey barring" might make you feel like that blind-sided kid at recess. The name alludes to how in dating, partners move from connection to connection, only letting go of the old one when they’ve moved onto the next. 

The behavior isn't necessarily new, according to Amanda Miller, professor of sociology at the University of Indianapolis.

"I'm pretty sure this might be biblical," Miller says of when we keep a potential next partner in the wings. But the phenonmena is more prevalent right now as Gen Z struggles to find connections in real life and the rise of online dating apps, she says.

"Something where you can swipe and swipe and swipe seemingly forever makes it seem there's this infininite supply of partners, and there's not," Miller says. People monkey bar because they're seeking security, Miller says. They are avoiding the vulnerability that comes with leaving a relationship and being alone.

"There is stability that comes from being able to say, 'I know I'm leaving this relationship, but I have something I'm going toward,'" Miller says.

What does monkey barring say about young daters?

Data from Match.com and Hinge find that young people are looking for serious relationships, but simultaneously reporting high levels of dating-related anxiety. As a result, Gen Z daters are more wary of commitment than older generations, and more daters are embracing the area in between hooking up and dating, or blurring the lines on their boundaries within a relationship.

Amy Chan, a dating coach and the author of "Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart," says that Gen Z — the cohort born between 1997 and 2012 — experiences heightened fears of romantic rejection.

Monkey barring has become easier amid the proliferation of dating apps that foster what Chan calls a “shopping cart mentality” where daters evaluate users as if they were products. More than half of adults under 30 report having used dating apps like Tinder, Match, Bumble, and Hinge, according to Pew Research. 

Chan says Gen Z loves to create terms for things that have existed for decades, and monkey barring is no different. 

“There’s a kind of emotional literacy that’s impressive: they talk about boundaries, attachment styles, and how to soft launch a new beau. But knowing the language doesn’t always mean you’ve done the work,” Chan says. “Sometimes, this knowledge acts as armor instead of a bridge.”

Is monkey barring cheating? 

Even when it doesn’t extend to full-on cheating, the behavior of monkey barring often backfires, according to Angelika Koch, a relationship expert at LGBTQ+ dating app Taimi.

Importantly, Miller says monkey barring is fundamentally different from polyamory — while the latter refers to loving multiple people at once and requires the consent of everyone involved, the former is arguably a form of infidelity.

"In that, all partners are consenting to all behaviors," Miller says. "In monkey barring, we have one partner who has decided to leave and the other is out the door."

Monkey barring is everywhere. Here's how to deal with it:

If you suspect a partner is monkey barring, it's probably not a good idea to start obsessing over their location or sneak a peek at their DMs. Rather, Miller says consider how serious the relationship is to you and then decide what's the best next step based on that goal, from a conversation one-on-one to seeking professional counseling.

And sometimes, it means the time to step away has come.

"It might just be a sign this is not the right person for you," Miller says.

If you yourself are feeling tempted to monkey bar, Miller says to gut check how you would want to be treated: "If it's not behavior you would do in front of your partner, it's not behavior you should be doing behind their back."

Rachel Hale’s role covering Youth Mental Health at USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.